Kindness: Loves

I've been wanting to write a post for a while now about my loves and how awesome they are, especially because they have been there for me during these past 18 months since I got injured. They're the only reason I'm doing so well on this journey with my ankle. And (at the risk of sounding like a total social worker) today my heart feels really happy and full of joy and love for my loves so here it is...

If you don't know what I mean when I use the word "loves," loves are friends. Often they are very dear friends, and I am lucky to have several of them. My loves have supported me and been there for me through both of my surgeries. I'm not even sure what I would do without them!

After my first surgery several loves visited me. My love Ellen drove all the way down from Philly just a couple days after my surgery. I was drugged up and out of it, so we mostly watched some episodes of How I Met Your Mother. It was awesome and just meant so much to me that she would go out of her way to visit me. She even brought me a bell for my scooter! My love Amanda also visited me and kept me company and ate lunch with me one day. Matt came and watched a movie and chatted with me when I was feeling a little better. When you can't leave the house on your own for a while and are home alone, a little company is the best gift in the world!

When it was time to try to leave the house last Fall, it was a really hard process. Every exit of our house has stairs, which were nearly impossible at times for me to navigate (even scooting on my butt or crawling on my knees - how do you stand back up again on one leg? It's not easy, I'll tell you that). Then my scooter/walker/crutches had to also make it down the stairs and out the door and into the car with me. It was SO much work for me to go anywhere when I couldn't walk. Just leaving the house was an arduous process, much less actually doing anything if I got out. My love Marcelle really helped me with getting out when I was going crazy. In fact, she deserves her own post sometime...

And then there was Deidre who helped me leave the house and get to physical therapy twice a week for several weeks before I could walk or drive on my own! Snickers always wanted to go with us on our adventures... We managed to get her to stay behind and made it to PT appointments, and even once all the way down to somewhere in Prince William County to complete paperwork so I would be able to coach when swim season started. Oh what adventures we had!

Loves who were further away sent me cards and packages. My love Nora sent me a good book to read while I wasn't able to do much else. Shannon and Terry sent me a package with movies and chocolate, one in the shape of a foot! Amanda sent me a game and homemade bread with a card before she came to visit me. I got cards from all over! And text messages, emails, fb messages, and phone calls were the best too! Loves took time out of their busy days to check in with me and see how I was doing.

Of course there's also my family. My mom who walked up and down the stairs multiple times a day when I couldn't, to bring me food and ice and whatever else I needed. My sister did the same when she visited and sat with me to keep me company many times. I remember the day my dad brought me dinner from Panera and added a special cookie for me. My Mimi and Gramps checked on me and brought me flowers after my first surgery. It was one of my Gramps' last outings ever before he died. After my second surgery Mimi made sure a get well card got to me and flowers with a balloon were on their way! My aunt is always checking in to see how my ankle is doing - I remember trying to talk to her when I had bad reception after finding out it was a tumor that caused the tendon to tear. I think I scared her that day! And Linda came right after my first surgery when I was in so much pain. She and John gave me an itunes gift card so I could have new music while I was sitting around and I remember having a huge Starbucks iced tea with her. She was ready to come sit with me after the second surgery when the rest of my family had plans, before my sister decided to stay with me instead.

All of these loves were simultaneously there for me and my family when we lost my Gramps last year in the midst of my recovery from my first surgery. The cards, love, and support came from all over. My aunt, mom, sister, and cousin made sure I could get up to the altar at church to do a reading at his mass and say the eulogy I wrote with them. Marcelle came down from Baltimore for the funeral that day. Linda brought food for everyone when things were crazy. Flowers came from Kim and Ms. GT... ;) Which gave us a good laugh when we needed it the most when we realized the flowers were of course from Kim and Rod and should have had the abbreviation MSgt. (At least I know it's not Ms. GT...)

These loves have shown me the greatest kindness. They are all very busy people who took the time to see how I was doing or make my day a little brighter when I wasn't doing so well. They are the reason I made it through a difficult recovery from a major surgery when at times I felt like giving up. I only hope I can do the same for them someday. And I hope that everyone can find these people in their lives and tell them how much they are appreciated, or be this kind of person for someone else in their time of need.

And I know I've missed a lot of people in this post - so thank you to everyone who has asked about my ankle or kept up with my blog, and provided encouragement along the way. There are really so many people who have shown me such kindness. I appreciate it more than you know!


My flower and balloon from my Mimi.



Oooo - look who Amanda sent me!



I Can Jump!!

Wednesday was the first day Dave decided to push me harder in PT, and it was awesome. I warmed up by biking for 5 minutes and then I walked on the treadmill 5 minutes in each direction. I was pretty proud of my walking, especially backwards and to each side. I didn't have any pain in my ankle. I thought it was over there, but when I got back to the PT room I stretched and then did JUMPING. And yes, I can jump now!! I jumped backwards and forwards, and side to side over a line. And I could do it. This was amazing to me because before I had the screw taken out I could barely stand on my toes. Now I can not only stand on them, I can jump (which requires a lot of work for your toes). It was amazing. I finished up PT that day by balancing on my bad foot and bouncing a ball back and forth to the PT intern. My balance on that foot sucks. I checked my left foot just to be sure I hadn't totally lost my ability to balance, but the left was fine - I could stand on just my left foot all day. So it's the muscles in my right foot that aren't there yet. Just to pass the ball back and forth three times in a row took forever and almost didn't happen, that's how bad my muscles are on that foot at keeping me balanced. I iced and had stim before I left.

On Thursday when I woke up I was a little sore, but honestly not as sore as I thought I would be after all that work (which was a lot for me after being on activity restrictions for SO long especially after this surgery). What actually hurt was my left knee. What?? I was a super-grump for a while that day, limping around, and I thought I was going to have to call Dave about it. I mean, why was my left knee hurting? It made no sense and it made me mad! But I tried to walk around a little more (I did a lap around two floors of our assisted living facility that day) and to my surprise, it got better. I didn't even have to take Advil or anything (the pain was that bad that I thought I would have to). And it hasn't hurt since.

Yesterday I did a bit of walking with my sister to run errands and things. I wore my (ortho approved) flip flops instead of Birkenstocks or tennis shoes, and I think this was a mistake. Towards the end of the day my foot got a weird cramp-like feeling in it. It was like the arch of my foot needed to be stretched, but was simultaneously kicked. It was weird and painful. Resting it at home helped and I've been stretching it out since. I guess it's time to put the flip flops away for now anyways... except for the pool deck. :)

Candy Corn Cookie Crunch

Halloween is just a week away! Here's yet another Pinterest win from Kelly's Fall themed housewarming party! I decided to go ahead and fast forward to one of the best parts of Fall, Halloween, for this one. But be warned, it is very sweet! Happy Halloween!

Candy Corn Cookie Crunch

1 lb. almond bark candy coating or white chocolate (I used meltable milk chocolate)
14 Oreos, broken into pieces (I used Halloween ones with orange filling)
1 1/2 cups pretzels broken (I used honey twist ones because that's what I had)
1 cup candy corn
1/2 cup peanuts
1/4 cup Reese's Pieces
1/2 cup Peanut M&M's (Fall colors)
Halloween sprinkles

Cover a cookie sheet with waxed paper or foil. Spread the broken pretzels, broken cookies, peanuts, and about 3/4 of the candy corn on the prepared cookie sheet. Melt the white chocolate or candy coating until smooth, according to package directions.

Drizzle the melted chocolate over the pretzel mixture, spreading with a spatula if needed. Before it sets, sprinkle on the remaining candy corn, M&M's, Reese's Pieces, and sprinkles. Place tray in the refrigerator until set. Break into pieces and enjoy!



Before we broke it up. Looks sinful!

I recommend having something to mash things with before starting. I did not realize that my sister, who in all fairness just moved into a new house (which she owns!!) and is not as domesticated as me, has very few kitchen tools. Mashing things up without tools was difficult and messy (I put items in a Ziploc bag and mashed by hand).

As with many Erin creations, I used a little more of some things until it looked right to me. So feel free to modify the amounts to your desire. Also, it was hard to break apart at the end, but it also got melty if out of the fridge for too long. In the end, Amanda and I ended up using a knife to break it apart the best we could, and then put the pieces back in the fridge for a bit, and this seemed to work. Good luck and enjoy!

Extending PT - Bad News or Good News?

After originally being told by my surgeon and physical therapist that I would only need PT for 4 weeks, and extending to 5 weeks because of my forgetful brain, I am now extending even more. It's bad news because it means I really haven't made enough (any??) progress, but good news because it gives me more time to work on it I guess. It's also bad news because my schedule is already a bit overextended this month and next month, but I need to do this so I will make time.

Yesterday I got to PT and I was in a bad mood. I don't know if it was my day at work, the crazy woman at PT before me, the annoying PT intern, or just being plain frustrated with my foot and lack of progress, but I was not a happy camper. When I thought about it my ankle wasn't feeling too great that day - it was more swollen than usual, etc. and an unhappy ankle means an unhappy Erin. Dave noticed right away that I wasn't too happy and asked me about it. I tried to express my frustrations in sitting around for a year and a half because of my ankle, but I just got really upset. I was at least able to express my frustrations that all I can do is stretch at PT. Dr. Buchanan said those famous words - let's make sure you're back to all normal activities including running in three months, again and it freaked me out. I don't think I'll be running in three months - my ankle sure doesn't feel that way. And it didn't happen the first time. So Dave decided that starting on Wednesday we're going to "turn things up a notch." I'm supposed to bring my workout clothes and we're going to start harder workouts in the gym. I'm happy about this; I love to be pushed. I will push myself as much as I can, so I'm happy to have permission and someone to help guide me in doing this. Recently I've been afraid of pushing myself too hard and being in major pain or re-injuring myself. Being pushed while at PT is the best thing because Dave can make sure I'm pushing it the right amount and doing things correctly. I can handle the pain. I'm really hopeful this is finally going to help, but also cautious at the same time. I haven't had many things go the way they are supposed to recently, and I could really use some good news about my ankle.

When I have clients who focus on the negative I ask them, what's going right? I'm going to social work myself and ask myself what progress I have made. I do have a little more flexibility in my ankle. I am walking better and not limping most of the time. I also can not only wear a real shoe but now can wear a shoe with a back on it. So maybe there's a little progress in these areas, but I want to get back to "normal." Fingers crossed!

Pumpkin Dip

Another recipe hit from Kelly's housewarming party. An easy, Fall delight: Pumpkin Dip! Another Pinterest win!

Pumpkin Dip

1  15 oz. can of pumpkin
1  5 oz. box of instant vanilla pudding (just the powder, don't make the pudding)
1  16 oz. container of cool whip (low fat is ok)
1/2 Tbl. Pumpkin Pie Spice
1/2 Tbl. Cinnamon
1  small pumpkin (to hold dip if desired)

1. Mix pumpkin, pudding mix, cool whip, and pumpkin pie spice together (by hand) in a very large bowl.
2. Chill for several hours before serving. Meanwhile, carve your pumpkin!
3. Sprinkle with cinnamon, and serve with fresh apple slices, vanilla wafers, or ginger snaps.



Pumpkin dip is so easy and so delicious!The original blogger put her dip in a carved out pumpkin. I couldn't help but love this ceramic pumpkin dish instead!

 Although not shown in my picture, I loved this the most with red apple slices! Others loved it with the ginger snaps or Nilla Wafers. It is delicious and so, so easy!

As my caption and picture point out, I did not carve out my own pumpkin to put the dip in. As nice as the presentation looked from the picture on Pinterest, I was pressed for time that day. I'm not an experienced pumpkin carver myself (although it doesn't look too hard!), and since I don't have a husband to do this dirty work for me as the original poster did, I opted for my lovely glass pumpkin bowl. Don't feel bad about yourself or your pumpkin dip if you put it in a dish instead of a pumpkin. I'm here to tell you that is wonderful and so are you!

Hot (Spiked) Apple Cider

For my sister's recent housewarming party I made most of the food and drinks. Let's be honest, this is my thing, so I'm in charge of the entertaining around here! We had a Fall theme and wanted to share a few of the recipes (all from Pinterest of course!).

Our Fall drink was Hot Apple Cider - spiked or not!

Hot Spiked Apple Cider

1 gallon fresh apple cider
1-2 sliced apples (Granny Smith recommended)
dash of apple pie spice
1 bottle Southern Comfort
whipped cream (we didn't use this)

Pour cider into a pot and place on medium heat. Slice apples into small pieces and cook in the cider. Add apple pie spice to taste. Cook cider until it reaches coffee-like temperature. Serve hot in mug and add Southern Comfort to tolerance! Top off each cup with extra creamy whipped cream (if desired). Feel the warmth.



Optional: Your own super festive Halloween/Fall mug to serve your Hot Spiked Apple Cider in!


We added about a shot of SoCo per mug of cider. And as I said, we did not use whipped cream because I don't like it (yep, that's why no one else gets it as an option!). I also only used apples as garnish. I bought apple pie spice for this occasion, but I think other Fall spices would have substituted nicely if you don't have it. I (not-so-secretly-anymore) dislike pie, all types of it. Bleh! So I never make pies and don't have apple pie spice, but decided to purchase it in the hopes of making an apple pie in the future for someone else I guess. Any takers? ;)

Second Post-Op Appointment

My brain is still over-tired and on overload; on Monday I missed another PT appointment. This one was particularly important because I was supposed to be re-evaluated and have all my measurements taken again to show my progress since starting PT, and a report made to take to my latest surgical post-op appointment with Dr. Buchanan. I was so tired and so frustrated with myself that I forgot another appointment, and a really important one, that I burst into tears on the phone with the receptionist while driving. It was not pretty. But it was an important lesson in how tired I was and how I needed to get my life back in order and stop being a hot mess this month. I'm getting it together, I swear!

Tuesday morning I had my second post-op appointment. This one went a little better than the last one, but was honestly not all that informative. First, I got another x-ray taken and waited for Dr. Buchanan. He was again very pleased with the way things were going - he was happy with the way the incision looked and how the x-ray was showing my healing progress. He said that I could get back to normal activities such as swimming and biking, but that I should wait a few more months to run or to use the treadmill.

This time I got to look at the x-ray too, something I have rarely gotten to do and I always tell myself to make sure I ask to see it. Good thing I know what happened to my ankle because my x-ray looks cRaZy. There are two lines showing my bone in different stages of healing. Of course you can see the line where the screw was taken out a few weeks ago that used to be holding my heel in place. There is also another, bigger, darker, line that is where my bone was cut during my first surgery. Basically I now see what they mean by "Swiss cheese bone." My bone is a mess. No wonder it hurts! And Dr. Buchanan also said it's expected to feel achy through my heel/ankle right now. These are holes in my bone and these were major surgeries and changes to my bone structure, of course it's going to hurt. He also said it could be a year or so until it really fills in and feels "normal" again. Good to know. Finally some validation to my pain! It was really a relief to see the x-rays myself and talk about them.

And that was really all he had to say - he's happy, this is normal. I go back to see him in three months to make sure that I've gotten back to running and all normal activities. When he said that I felt a little nervous because that's what he told me after the first surgery, and of course making sure I got back to running and normal activities never happened last time. I am praying that it does happen this time and in January I can say, YES! Finally I have gotten back to normal activities including running without pain. We will see...

Lessons of the day:  Always ask to see your x-ray. It helps. Get enough rest. And stay patient, especially with yourself!

Wearing Shoes With Backs = Progress!

The past few weeks have been extremely busy for me! So busy in fact, that I thought I had a 5pm PT appointment this week, but got a message from them around 3:30pm that day asking if I was ok. Apparently I had the wrong appointment time and they were worried because I never miss appointments. Brain on overload!! But I have added a week of PT (hopefully - Dave's schedule is really packed) to try to get enough in.

At PT I have been progressing slightly. I have gone from just stretching to also adding in some strengthening exercises. On Friday I added weight-bearing strengths exercise, which is a big step. My foot is swollen and my leg/ankle are tight still, but definitely less pain than before. So we will see as time goes on what happens. It has only been 6 weeks since surgery. I am working on icing at least at night before I go to bed. Again my memory seems to be the problem here...

I go back to Dr. Buchanan on Tuesday morning. I'm sure they'll take another x-ray to see if my Swiss cheese bone is healing. I hope so!

The biggest news is that on Friday I wore a real shoe with a back for the first time since this surgery!! I wore a tennis shoe all day Friday! And I have since worn it a little over the weekend. Victory! Dave says this is also good because it will help reduce swelling throughout the day. If this cold spell continues I'm thinking of wearing my Uggs with my ortho inserts in them, because I'm that cool. And guess what? Only myself and anyone who reads this blog will know my secret. Aren't you special?

Ankles Are Sad When They Can't Walk on Sand

Last weekend was super busy! I got to see one of my grad school loves, and Cashmere Mafia sister, get married to the love of her life and go to the beach to do it! (Thanks Jen!) And then I went on up to Boston to co-host a bridal shower for my love Shannon! All while traveling with some BFF's. What could be better?

My ankle held up pretty well. I even drove the whole way. That's right - up to Baltimore, Baltimore to Spring Lake, NJ. Then Jersey Shore to north of Boston. And then Boston back to B'more, Silver Spring, and NoVA. YES! That happened in one 4 day weekend. It was amazing. (We jammed out to 90's music a good part of the way, particularly the NJ to Boston at 7:30pm to midnight Saturday night portion!)

The celebrations were beautiful. We could not have asked for more perfect weather. And my girls looked AMAZING. Who is more beautiful than a bride in love? A bride in love who happens to be one of my gorgeous friends, that's who. I wore my Birkenstocks (since I still couldn't wear shoes with backs) and kept my ankle wrapped up well. And sadly I couldn't dance at the wedding. (Ok - I did do the Cupid Shuffle very carefully. I can't hear it and not dance. It's not possible). I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

The only sad part was - I couldn't walk on the beach! My incision is still open and even though it was wrapped up pretty well, I was just picturing a not fun time trying to get sand out of my heel... I LOVE the beach. LOVE IT. But it was not worth testing this out and missing an event or being in (extra) pain for this special weekend. So sadly, I stayed on the boardwalk. But hey - I went to the beach in October, I can't be too mad about that.


After surgery, ankles are sad when they can't walk on sand at the beach.



Boom - married! Beautiful bride and groom!

Beautiful bride-to-be!
And that's a cake she's standing next to. Amazing.

Don't Read This Post If You're Easily Grossed Out

Really - don't do it. Let me tell you what happened two Fridays ago that changed my life, but I'm warning you, it's not for the feint of heart.

After surgery apparently not all of my stitches dissolved. So a few weeks ago I realized that I had a wire, like a fishing wire, sticking out of my heel. I called the doctor, who said that it would be ok to cut it off close to my skin since I have healed by now. UMMM WHAT??? I'm not cutting something coming out of my heel from surgery! That is not ok with me. So I tried to ignore it... But it was painful.

Dave (PT) asked me to really clean off the incision to make sure it was stitches and not dried blood we were seeing. When I did that - the wire started coming out of my foot. (AHHH!!!) At this point I had to do something about it. I sterilized scissors and cut it as close to my heel as I could. I was SO proud of myself. But there was still a little piece sticking out, and it hurt when something touched it, making wearing real shoes nearly impossible.

Dave told me I needed to be brave and just pull the last little part out. Whoa! Wait! No one said anything about pulling something out of my foot. Holy bejesus what is going on?? But I was tempted by the promise of it finally feeling better and finally being able to wear real shoes with backs on them... So I looked away while Dave so kindly helped me by taking tweezers and pulling out the rest of the wire. I didn't even feel it. He said it came out in two small pieces. I knew right away it felt better.

I don't know whether it was psychological or real, but I suddenly was not as cautious about my heel. I was walking better. And I felt like maybe I could wear real shoes. Maybe! But no matter what, I knew this had significantly changed the pain in my heel.