Wow - you neglect your blog for a few days and suddenly everything changes! I don't like change! I can't figure out how to use these new things yet, so bare with me...
I've been pretty busy lately I guess. Since the passing of my supervisor things have been a little chaotic at work. Then my co-worker who was put in charge of most things went on a two and a half week vacation, which has been tough! I'm feeling very burnt out on social work this week! That makes it hard to do other things like go to the gym after work, but I'm pretty proud that I've been pushing myself to try and get there. And I always feel better once I get there.
I've also been busy trying to get back in a little bit of shape! Swimming (while still very tough!) has been getting easier! Betsy and I are ready to write some workouts now! This is very exciting news!! In fact, I swam a whole 500 (thanks to a push from one of my swimmers actually) and did 100's free on a descending interval. I nearly died, but I did it!!
My ankle has still been having a lot of pain. I try to wear the pain patches at night, but they're nearly impossible to keep in place during the day. My co-worker who is a nurse suggested I really rest it and elevate it more after work. I also finally had to call Dave at PT last week. The pain is not going away, so I am feeling unsure how much to push myself. Dave was really awesome and helpful as usual! He told me that since another surgery to take out the screw is on the table, I should go ahead and push myself and see how things go. I'm supposed to call him this week with a report back. I did the elliptical for 25 minutes Friday at the gym without too much pain, so that was good. I'm also planning to try the bike and push it on the treadmill a bit this week before I call Dave back. I've been resting and elevating and doing some icing (which Dave highly recommended) this weekend and my ankle hurts, but it isn't that bad. It's also raining, which I know not because of looking out the window, but because of the pain in my ankle, like an 80 year old grandmother could tell you as well.
Finally I'm trying to really make an effort to eat healthier. I've got to get some of the weight that I gained sitting around for a year off! I was doing really well getting in shape with kickboxing and boxing last March before the injury. I've got to get back to there, and then some... But it's really tough and I'm feeling a bit cranky about eating my veggies this week. I hope it gets easier! My nurse (aka co-worker - I've adopted her as my own nurse) agreed with me that losing some of the weight would be easier on my ankle as well. Finally someone agrees with me! PT would always say not to worry about it that the weight would come off easily. Well not for me, I have to work at it! And I have a feeling it's not going to be easy... Encouragement needed loves! :)
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Respecting the Pain
Oh - haven't heard those words in a while, have you? Respect the pain. Dave's famous "last words" to me when I was discharged from PT. I'm in pain this week friends.
I called the doctor's office first thing Monday to tell them the anti-inflammatory he prescribed was causing some weird side effects, like being super sleepy and slightly dizzy. (I looked and feeling dizzy was an "expected" side effect, as I say, but feeling tired/drowsy/whatever was a "concerning" side effect where you're supposed to call your doctor if you experience it.) As always, the office was amazing and called me back right away to say Dr. Buchanan was now calling in a pain patch to wear on my skin instead. I asked, and I was supposed to be able to put it over my scars and also take over the counter pain meds (Advil, etc.) as needed. So I picked up the patches today, and they are a lidocaine patch. This essentially numbs pain - great! - but I'm unclear on how it is anti-inflammatory, which really is the bigger problem. Why do things have to be so complicated??
So for tonight I have cut a pain patch to fit the main areas on my ankle. It's hard to keep it on because, you know, my ankle is curved and moves a bit. Sorry - I'm just frustrated with this today! I am seriously limping around a lot, and I wasn't even on my feet that much today and I wore my Danskos. I should not be limping. I'm willing to give this a try and see how it works. My other complaint about the patches is that I can't use my scar gel and cocoa butter lotions on my scars or the patch won't stick. *sigh* I guess this is more important right now.
Yesterday Betsy and I went swimming. Swimming two days in a row for the first time (in a VERY long while) was difficult to say the least. One of my other fears (I have a lot of those, don't I?) came true - my shoulders are starting to hurt.
*For those who don't know, here's a brief history of swimming injuries to my body (because swimming's such a "gentle sport" right? WRONG people-who-aren't-real-swimmers-but-think-they-know-everything-and-say-that) I was a breaststroker in high school until I messed up my knees. I had serious knee problems by my freshmen year of college and had to switch to training distance freestyle (to be fair, this wasn't entirely new). By my senior year of college my shoulders became very painful and they both had bad tendonitis in them. They were EXTREMELY painful as the season went on that year, but the doctors told me I would not damage them further, so I finished swimming my senior year, and then hung up my suit and goggles for a while. My shoulders finally got better after lot of rest from swimming.*
So, I constantly have worried since then that my shoulders' tendonitis will get bad again, especially if I don't strengthen them well enough before getting back in the water, or I push it too hard to quickly. I think it's safe to say the first scenario happened this time. So I'm backing off a bit and respecting the pain in both my ankle and my shoulders, because otherwise I'm just going to be a sad body in the water who can't use her legs OR her arms. And I realize there are some amazing people out there who do swim without the use of arms or legs or, on rare occassion, both. I'm not that person. I'm lucky enough to have those limbs, and I'm lucky enough to just have to wait until they are strong enough to use them the way I want to again. So why am I complaining? I'm lucky enough.
I think this is about what I swam... It's sad this is happening this week because the pool is empty since the kids are on spring break, and it is glorious!
300 swim (every 4th back)
some backstroke
some treading water
a little pulling/sculling
500 my weird version of "IM" (50 back, 25 breast w/ fly kick, 25 free)
maybe a 100 warm down?
Yep, this is a far way away from the days of 10,000 yds. in a 2 - 2.5 hour practice!
I called the doctor's office first thing Monday to tell them the anti-inflammatory he prescribed was causing some weird side effects, like being super sleepy and slightly dizzy. (I looked and feeling dizzy was an "expected" side effect, as I say, but feeling tired/drowsy/whatever was a "concerning" side effect where you're supposed to call your doctor if you experience it.) As always, the office was amazing and called me back right away to say Dr. Buchanan was now calling in a pain patch to wear on my skin instead. I asked, and I was supposed to be able to put it over my scars and also take over the counter pain meds (Advil, etc.) as needed. So I picked up the patches today, and they are a lidocaine patch. This essentially numbs pain - great! - but I'm unclear on how it is anti-inflammatory, which really is the bigger problem. Why do things have to be so complicated??
So for tonight I have cut a pain patch to fit the main areas on my ankle. It's hard to keep it on because, you know, my ankle is curved and moves a bit. Sorry - I'm just frustrated with this today! I am seriously limping around a lot, and I wasn't even on my feet that much today and I wore my Danskos. I should not be limping. I'm willing to give this a try and see how it works. My other complaint about the patches is that I can't use my scar gel and cocoa butter lotions on my scars or the patch won't stick. *sigh* I guess this is more important right now.
Yesterday Betsy and I went swimming. Swimming two days in a row for the first time (in a VERY long while) was difficult to say the least. One of my other fears (I have a lot of those, don't I?) came true - my shoulders are starting to hurt.
*For those who don't know, here's a brief history of swimming injuries to my body (because swimming's such a "gentle sport" right? WRONG people-who-aren't-real-swimmers-but-think-they-know-everything-and-say-that) I was a breaststroker in high school until I messed up my knees. I had serious knee problems by my freshmen year of college and had to switch to training distance freestyle (to be fair, this wasn't entirely new). By my senior year of college my shoulders became very painful and they both had bad tendonitis in them. They were EXTREMELY painful as the season went on that year, but the doctors told me I would not damage them further, so I finished swimming my senior year, and then hung up my suit and goggles for a while. My shoulders finally got better after lot of rest from swimming.*
So, I constantly have worried since then that my shoulders' tendonitis will get bad again, especially if I don't strengthen them well enough before getting back in the water, or I push it too hard to quickly. I think it's safe to say the first scenario happened this time. So I'm backing off a bit and respecting the pain in both my ankle and my shoulders, because otherwise I'm just going to be a sad body in the water who can't use her legs OR her arms. And I realize there are some amazing people out there who do swim without the use of arms or legs or, on rare occassion, both. I'm not that person. I'm lucky enough to have those limbs, and I'm lucky enough to just have to wait until they are strong enough to use them the way I want to again. So why am I complaining? I'm lucky enough.
I think this is about what I swam... It's sad this is happening this week because the pool is empty since the kids are on spring break, and it is glorious!
300 swim (every 4th back)
some backstroke
some treading water
a little pulling/sculling
500 my weird version of "IM" (50 back, 25 breast w/ fly kick, 25 free)
maybe a 100 warm down?
Yep, this is a far way away from the days of 10,000 yds. in a 2 - 2.5 hour practice!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
On Turning 27
On Tuesday I turned 27. Happy Birthday to me! :) I'm getting old, loves! But I am looking forward to seeing what 27 brings. I can tell my "golden year" is going to be great! Much like the year 2011, I was ready to say goodbye to being 26 - these haven't been fun times lately. I'm ready to move onto brighter days!!
I have noticed that parts of me feel older. I'm serious people! My skin is not looking as young as it used to - this is greatly upsetting! I'm taking extra good care of it these days. I only wish I could go back and tell 16 (or 17 through 21) year old Erin who spent all day everyday in the summer outdoors at the pool in direct sunlight to WEAR HER FREAKING SUN TAN LOTION!!! (SPF 45 every 2 hours girl!!) and prevent current and future Erin's wrinkles!! And I know that I'm still very young, but other things about my body feel older and I wonder how fast I would be healing if I was even younger.
The biggest thing I have learned (or am trying to!) as I get older and think about where I thought my life might be by now and where it is, is to stop making so many plans with expectations, and to trust that things will happen when they're supposed to. As my some of my clients would say, "Let go and let God." Some people may think this is an interesting way for me to think about things... but I think most of you know that I do have a lot of faith. So I'm trying to remember that things happen in God's time and not ours. I want my ankle to heal right now so I can go running, biking, kickboxing, boxing... just feel normal! But that's not how life works, and it's not how my body works. And it's time to stop worrying about where I "should" be or where other people are, and trust that I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing and that's just fine. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to, and I've been shown this time and again. It's just a hard lesson to learn. And I'm sure many of you know this lesson can be applied to many other areas of my life that I thought would be different at this point. I'm embracing being a work in progress!
It's time right now to focus on what is positive and going well. And there is so much with my ankle and in my life that is going well! I truly have no complaints when I really think about it. And the rest will come later, when it's REALLY time. Won't that be fun to see why things worked out the way they did? I love that.
So thanks for all of the birthday love everyone! It made me feel so special! But thanks especially for all of the LOVE you've given me along my ankle journey, and just in everyday life. It means a lot. I have some of the BEST people in my life. Sometimes I wonder how I ever got so lucky.
I have noticed that parts of me feel older. I'm serious people! My skin is not looking as young as it used to - this is greatly upsetting! I'm taking extra good care of it these days. I only wish I could go back and tell 16 (or 17 through 21) year old Erin who spent all day everyday in the summer outdoors at the pool in direct sunlight to WEAR HER FREAKING SUN TAN LOTION!!! (SPF 45 every 2 hours girl!!) and prevent current and future Erin's wrinkles!! And I know that I'm still very young, but other things about my body feel older and I wonder how fast I would be healing if I was even younger.
The biggest thing I have learned (or am trying to!) as I get older and think about where I thought my life might be by now and where it is, is to stop making so many plans with expectations, and to trust that things will happen when they're supposed to. As my some of my clients would say, "Let go and let God." Some people may think this is an interesting way for me to think about things... but I think most of you know that I do have a lot of faith. So I'm trying to remember that things happen in God's time and not ours. I want my ankle to heal right now so I can go running, biking, kickboxing, boxing... just feel normal! But that's not how life works, and it's not how my body works. And it's time to stop worrying about where I "should" be or where other people are, and trust that I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing and that's just fine. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to, and I've been shown this time and again. It's just a hard lesson to learn. And I'm sure many of you know this lesson can be applied to many other areas of my life that I thought would be different at this point. I'm embracing being a work in progress!
 |
| I'm a work in progress! :) |
So thanks for all of the birthday love everyone! It made me feel so special! But thanks especially for all of the LOVE you've given me along my ankle journey, and just in everyday life. It means a lot. I have some of the BEST people in my life. Sometimes I wonder how I ever got so lucky.
Keeping Track of What's Happening, Day One
Over the weekend I got to see my "twin" (or twin-E), Ellen. YAY!! I was telling her about what's going on with my ankle and all and I realized that there were several reasons I started this blog, and I could use it more to my benefit.
One reason I started this blog was because my friends, who live all over the country (effects of going to private college and grad school? and having really awesome people in my life who take the chances life throws at them!) kept saying to me that they were keeping up with my recovery after surgery on facebook. I thought this would be a great way to share what was going on with me in more detail, as well as focus on more positives like the kindness I've experienced along the way and on the cooking I could do once I could stand again! It still helps me to know that people care about what's going on, and it helped me to focus on positives, especially when I started to feel depressed from sitting around with nothing to do, but wait to heal. BUT a big reason I started this that I haven't been thinking about was to really keep track of my progress - to be able to look back and say, "Wow! A month ago I couldn't wear real shoes!" It's easy to forget those little progressions, and they really make all the difference! So now I'm going to try to do a better job of that for myself. And you, if you care to read about it. ;)
So here's the most important things right this moment:
Last week I started the anti-inflamatory my surgeon prescribed. It didn't seem to help. I also had a coupld days were I felt slightly dizzy, really "foggy," and extremely tired. Like I fell asleep before 7pm tired. The difference that I can think of is that I started taking this medication and also Zyrtec for allergies. One of these medicines (or both perhaps) are knocking me out and it's not ok. I've stopped both, and I plan to call my doctor's office tomorrow. Side note: One of the best things about my new job is having amazing co-workers, one of which is a nurse. She looked at the meds and my ankle and reaffirmed that it wasn't helping, probably was making me tired and dizzy, and that I should call my doctor. Sometimes, especially when meds make you feel foggy, you need that little bit of help knowing you're doing the right thing!
Today I went swimming by myself. I realized I need to keep track of what I'm doing when I go so that I can see how I'm feeling afterwards, and increase how far I'm going and how hard I'm going when I can. Honestly, I've been a little afraid to do this. I AM A SWIMMER. It's part of my identity, whether or not I'm actively swimming. You can't go from swimming for hours a day everyday for most of your life to not being a swimmer. Maybe that only makes sense to other swimmers... Anyways, even when I've taken breaks from swimming I still consider myself a swimmer. When I get back in the pool I want to go back to feeling awesome and like normal, but that is absolutely not the way swimming works. Take a couple DAYS off when you're used to training and you'll feel it. Try taking months, or let's say over a YEAR off, and it's going to be PAINFUL. And it is for me. My body hurts, but I'm also thinking about it too much and getting upset. Basically, it sucks! But I know I need to do it and I WANT to do it. So I've got to push it! But sadly my fears came true today when I tried to see what I could hold 100's on. Oh. My. Gosh. I thought I could hold 100 frees on 1:30 - THAT SHOULD BE EASY FOR ME. I can't do it. :( :( I did 3 100's free on 1:40, holding a 1:30 pace. Holy Jesus that's terrible and embarassing!! But I'm trying to remember it's a start. Here's what I did today, so I have to build from here... Also I must drink more water before I die trying to get in shape!
300 swim (free, every 4th back)
200 kick
100 pull
50 breast
3 x 100 free on 1:40 (holding 1:30)
100 back
walking break (I stood on my toes without pain!)
100 breast drill
100 back
Total = 1250 yards
It's got to get easier from here, right??
One reason I started this blog was because my friends, who live all over the country (effects of going to private college and grad school? and having really awesome people in my life who take the chances life throws at them!) kept saying to me that they were keeping up with my recovery after surgery on facebook. I thought this would be a great way to share what was going on with me in more detail, as well as focus on more positives like the kindness I've experienced along the way and on the cooking I could do once I could stand again! It still helps me to know that people care about what's going on, and it helped me to focus on positives, especially when I started to feel depressed from sitting around with nothing to do, but wait to heal. BUT a big reason I started this that I haven't been thinking about was to really keep track of my progress - to be able to look back and say, "Wow! A month ago I couldn't wear real shoes!" It's easy to forget those little progressions, and they really make all the difference! So now I'm going to try to do a better job of that for myself. And you, if you care to read about it. ;)
So here's the most important things right this moment:
Last week I started the anti-inflamatory my surgeon prescribed. It didn't seem to help. I also had a coupld days were I felt slightly dizzy, really "foggy," and extremely tired. Like I fell asleep before 7pm tired. The difference that I can think of is that I started taking this medication and also Zyrtec for allergies. One of these medicines (or both perhaps) are knocking me out and it's not ok. I've stopped both, and I plan to call my doctor's office tomorrow. Side note: One of the best things about my new job is having amazing co-workers, one of which is a nurse. She looked at the meds and my ankle and reaffirmed that it wasn't helping, probably was making me tired and dizzy, and that I should call my doctor. Sometimes, especially when meds make you feel foggy, you need that little bit of help knowing you're doing the right thing!
Today I went swimming by myself. I realized I need to keep track of what I'm doing when I go so that I can see how I'm feeling afterwards, and increase how far I'm going and how hard I'm going when I can. Honestly, I've been a little afraid to do this. I AM A SWIMMER. It's part of my identity, whether or not I'm actively swimming. You can't go from swimming for hours a day everyday for most of your life to not being a swimmer. Maybe that only makes sense to other swimmers... Anyways, even when I've taken breaks from swimming I still consider myself a swimmer. When I get back in the pool I want to go back to feeling awesome and like normal, but that is absolutely not the way swimming works. Take a couple DAYS off when you're used to training and you'll feel it. Try taking months, or let's say over a YEAR off, and it's going to be PAINFUL. And it is for me. My body hurts, but I'm also thinking about it too much and getting upset. Basically, it sucks! But I know I need to do it and I WANT to do it. So I've got to push it! But sadly my fears came true today when I tried to see what I could hold 100's on. Oh. My. Gosh. I thought I could hold 100 frees on 1:30 - THAT SHOULD BE EASY FOR ME. I can't do it. :( :( I did 3 100's free on 1:40, holding a 1:30 pace. Holy Jesus that's terrible and embarassing!! But I'm trying to remember it's a start. Here's what I did today, so I have to build from here... Also I must drink more water before I die trying to get in shape!
300 swim (free, every 4th back)
200 kick
100 pull
50 breast
3 x 100 free on 1:40 (holding 1:30)
100 back
walking break (I stood on my toes without pain!)
100 breast drill
100 back
Total = 1250 yards
It's got to get easier from here, right??
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